Friday, April 20, 2007

For Many Years, I Have Wanted To Find A Great Big Pile Of Hunting Gear and Guns In A Dumpster or Placed Out For Trash Truck Collection

There is one thing that I have never found, but which for many years I have fantasized about finding while dumpster diving, ducking down alleys, or curb crawling for other peoples' unwanted, chucked out goodies:

I want to find a great big pile of good hunting gear—including lots of legal guns.

I cannot afford to buy this stuff, but I love eating wild meat and have wanted to live off of hunting for my own wild meat ever since I was a teenage kid. It simply makes good sense to me. And I was once a bear hunting guide in Maine, so I know the woods and how to be a responsible hunter fairly well.

I have thought about this fantasy for so long and so often that I can no longer determine if this following statement is true or not:

One time I heard about an elderly, wealthy woman piling some of her ex-husband's hunting gear, along with some other really good goodies of his, out at the curbside on trash collection day. When the trash truck crew saw that pile, they immediately began going through it and putting some of it into the front passenger side of the truck. Then they joyfully saw the old gal carrying more goodies out to them. They asked her why it was there and why she was throwing it all out.

She explained to those trash truck guys that she had gotten a divorce from her husband of many years, that they had lived together in the house there for many years, and that she had "got rid of the son of a bitch” and now she was getting rid of anything of his that he had not taken with him when he had “left to go live with some bimbo.”

She then invited the overjoyed trash truck guys into her ex-husband’s former den and gave them all of his top-of-the-line stereo and TV equipment and the other heavy stuff that she could not carry to the curb; and then she let them have his rifles and shotguns too.

I have thought out my day dreams about finding such a great big pile of chucked out hunting gear goodies all the way through to encounters with the police seeing me taking guns outa’ some dumpster, worrying about whether they were stolen or not, yelpin’ to the cops about my former Maine Guide thing, along with explaining the true facts about my poverty as a disabled Army veteran, and that I want my load of legal hunting gear to help my life be lived a whole lot better with.

Someday, I hope to luck out while dumpster diving and/or duckin’ down alleys and/or curb crawling by finding enough hunting gear, including legal guns, to be able to keep a nice selection for my own hunting uses and then sell or trade some of the guns, and hunting clothing that doesn’t fit me, for the cost of a hunting license and for the first deer hunting trip.

Include in that pile of found hunting gear some rare old shotguns or rifles to trade for a trip or two to hunt up in Canada or out west for Elk, Moose, and yum-yum-yummy all the wild game that I can legally shoot, skin, butcher, and cure by wood smoke or store in a great big freezer at home, and I’d be one happy, and well fed, hunter.