Saturday, March 24, 2007

Employees Taking Smoke Breaks Where They Can See You Dumpster Diving

Beware of employees of stores or businesses who are taking smoke breaks where they can see you dumpster diving in their employer’s dumpsters.

They are either:
the management personnel who are responsible for keeping the good stuff that the store chucks into dumpsters in the dumpsters and on its way to be destroyed in landfill;
or they may be mouthy butt kissers who'd love to score some 'brownie points' by ratting you out to management;
or they could be dismal malcontents at their jobs and would enjoy taking out their workplace frustrations on you by rattin’ you out, because they hope that it gets them a free front row ticket to a live action show if their boss goes out there and throws an unnecessary, power-tripping type fit all over some unfortunate dumpster diver (or maybe some malcontent would be hoping to see their boss get the tar whomped outa' him/her by some d-diver—most people do believe we're crazy);
or they are mild mannered tobacco addicted employees who just couldn't care less and won't say a thing.

Several times, I have had a few of the couldn't-care-less-type-lookin’ employees come out the backdoor of a store to take a tobacky’ break when I was back there d-divin. When they noticed me there and realized what I was doing, their faces showed a little fear, then mild disgust, followed by a tangy bit of contempt. Can’t blame them for the fear at all; it mattered not that I was only d-divin and minding my own business, and that I am a nearly normal, long time, fairly well known local citizen, because they didn’t know me. And I was a large man standing in or walking through an area where usually only a few delivery driver type people or store employees ever go. Consequently, I was a kind, considerate gentleman and got the heck outa’ there real fast.

Had I stayed and continued checking the dumpsters back there for goodies, those employees could have became so scared or bravely disgusted that they would loose their couldn’t care less attitude and yell back in through the door or go back inside and say something to their boss about what they had incorrectly begun to believe was a no-good, low down, dirty, stinky, scary, dangerous, worthless, ‘boil on the butt of society’ who should be lanced by the law and removed to be safely secured in a prison cell by a judge, where I wouldn’t be a danger to normal citizens anymore. But because I had immediately moved on, they just lit up their cigs and maybe casually watched to make sure that I kept movin’ on.

Whenever I am d-divin and see any employees of any businesses out there taking smoke breaks, no matter what I may perceive that their attitudes towards dumpster divers are, I nix the d-divin and move on.

Even women dumpster divers should never let any employees witness them d-divin. Ya’ know how some women enjoy being rude, mean beatches’ to other women? An employee like that might just get their jollies by verbally kickin’ one of you reduce-reuse-recycle dedicated gals around. And then because some men get off on abusing women, you ladies do not want to give some scrotum scratchin’ screwball any opportunities to practice his power-trippin’ on you.

Whether you are a male or a female dumpster diver, do your best to never be seen d-diving by any employees of the business which leases the dumpsters you want to dive. It simply isn’t worth the risk.


Patrick Smith said...

Hey David-
My name is Patrick Smith; I am the Photo Editor at The Towerlight at Towson University. I saw you left a reply to a commentary on our website, which led me to your blog.

Between your bio, blog, and "dumpster diving" and I am just fascinated by you. I've pitched an idea to do a story on you, too.

Nonetheless, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind if I tagged along with you during some of your scheduled dumpster divings. I'd be interested in doing a photo story on you.

You can e-mail me at

I also have a Google blog (

Patrick Smith

ursusdave said...

I checked out Pat's photo blog and this guy is one of the best college newspaper photographers I have ever seen. He will do well as a photographer after he graduates.